Ahhhh! Its yet another drowsy mental day. Today i woke up with a real bad mood. I was all bogged down by tons of things that are not going on the way i want them to. I have an important family photo shoot scheduled for the coming sunday and i dont feel prepared enough, i just lost an opppertunity to get some equipments imported from US due to my absent-mindedness, i tried few works with the home-made kits in past a week but all failed and the list goes..
You may say…”big deal!???”
It is! It is for me. Am working up my way to become something and that something is all about the things i just ranted above. I have to be the ninja in photography and am failing miserably at my trials and experiments. Its not that these things happen with me every other day, but there are some times when such things stack up….they happen in sequence, one after another, till I break down mentally and yell the freak out of myself!

 

 

Though the below snap is not me, but he represents the turmoil am talking about. Thats Shanu btw, 1 of my best friends.

There are countless days and nights of selfcentered workout before such a time arrives. No matter what I may be doing, chilling out with friends, doing the daily chores, taking a bath, resltess sleeps, whatever be it….the next idea, the next plan, the next image to exercise is always occupying a part of the mind. It becomes a part of everything. I loose track of birthdays (even my wife’s), calender events that i enrolled for, groceries to be bought, and so on….everything seems to be floating in air around me, and am like this crazy kid running around to grab all cups before they touch the ground and break. Hufff!

 

 

 

Right now, am like this snail, who is stressing out his neck to max possible to see where he is going….right now its absolute emptiness, far flung void emptiness. Though in reality it may be an endless land of opportunity awaiting my arrival. Thats the hope! The hope that keeps the snail moving, inch by inch. It hurts to loose hold of lot of daily things on the way but the snail knows, time is less and there’s a long way to go before he can take a sigh of relief. And thus i keep moving.

 

Today morning when i woke up, my head was weighing a ton. I was even angry with the Gods. Was awake at 5:15 am, but still went back to the sheets. Couldn’t rest at all. Woke up again at 6:30 and was at the table by 7. Still was in no mood to study. No mood to experiment or wander. I terribly needed someone to inspire me and at such early hour you have only the aid of some video or movie for the kind of inspiration i was looking for. Thanks to David Fincher for the awesome real life story “The Social Network” he made on the genius MarK Elliot Zuckerberg. I was only half done with the movie and was charged enough. I took out the bike for a short morning ride, took the breeze on face but with rage. Am not yet calm, not yet at peace. Its a continuous nag, that am not getting there where i should be by now! Huhhhh! Not sure if this inspired anything in you, but am once again feeling light after pouring out my heart on to you.
Hope you have a great weekend dear ones and hope i too do!
The headbanging continues!
Cheers!

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